no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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