cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
