So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
