i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
