we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
