Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
