also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
