Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
