Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
