I heard we made out
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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