I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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