The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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