break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
