Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
