I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
