Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
