so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
