What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
