guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
