Betty ford says i'm here all night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
