I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Im part way to drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
