I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I did not marry a roomba.
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