ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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