loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
