Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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