I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
