omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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