You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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