did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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