I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
