New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
