every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
