Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
