He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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