Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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