This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't deserve a penis
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
