That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
