I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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