remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
