My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
