The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it penis luge time yet?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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