Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
