last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You smell like stripper and shame
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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