Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
