Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
