I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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