Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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