I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
