Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
