I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
