My room smells like vodka and shame
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
