wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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