life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
