Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The power of my boobs compel you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
