PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
