I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
