I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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