I hope mine doesn't look like that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
