the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
