maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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