Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
